To my old friend,
Remember those last few times we spoke?
There were tears and yelling and arguing. I told you how you needed to pray more. You needed community. You needed to make some serious changes. I ticked off each and every sin you had committed against me and against God. I told you all the things you needed to do to make this right again.
And I was wrong.
I talk so much about spreading light to others. I really try to live my life that way every single day. But with you, my words were without grace. They were instead filled with harshness, arrogance, and condemnation. I had never experienced this sort of confrontation before, and I didn’t know how to handle it with Christ-like humility and patience.
I wanted to speak truth to you in love and show you love as a sister in Christ. But I don’t think that’s what I did. You see, I so badly hoped that you would respond perfectly to my words. I wanted you to be a perfect imitator of Jesus—and I was blind to how much I myself fail to imitate Him.
I’ve felt convicted recently of my own selfishness. God has started to chip away at my righteous anger, to soften my heart. He is showing me where I fall short every single day and where I fell short with you. I attempted to prop myself up on righteousness and look down on your sins and your brokenness.
But guess what? I am just as broken. I sinned against you. It wasn’t just you. It was me, too.
For a long time I thought of you with indignation and bitterness. If you really cared about me, then how dare you treat me the way you did, I thought. A real friend wouldn’t hurt me that way. I deserve better.
If I am really honest, though, I know that we both made mistakes. I made a lot of them. How amazing that the Lord’s abundant grace covers them all. I’ve taken this to Him, and I know He has forgiven me. He’s painfully pulling out the weeds of pride and perfection that have taken root in my heart.
I am truly sorry. I have forgiven you, and I've moved forward. I hope you can forgive me, too.